You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
