help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
