am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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