So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
