I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
