did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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