I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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