it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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