Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
