Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
