I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
