I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
