Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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