So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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