I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
MIDGETS
????
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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