Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
