You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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