i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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