I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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