You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
