I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
