2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
