Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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