I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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