Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
