Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
