Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
