dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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