He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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