Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So vagazzling was a success
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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