I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
