He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
