So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
