wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
