Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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