She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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