I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
