What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think I just shit out all my problems.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
