Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
