were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm having to shit out rocks
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
