So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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