So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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