Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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