Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
