Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
