It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
