Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
