i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
