8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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