think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
