I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
