you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
