Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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