White coat. Heels.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
