We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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